By Nadine Briggs and Donna Shea
While it seems like the school year has just started, it’s time to prepare for the parent-teacher conferences that happen around mid-October. These quick meetings with the teacher can 
seem like speed dating where you may only have 10 minutes with the teacher. To optimize the use of your time, it’s best to be prepared with questions prior to the conference. Clearly, you will want to know how your child is doing academically, but here are some questions you can ask to find out how your child is doing socially.
- Ask the teacher to describe your child’s demeanor in the classroom. Are they really shy when they have normally been the class clown or acting the class clown when usually shy? If your child is acting differently than you would expect, it could be due to issues of anxiety or making an extra effort to fit in with peers.
- Ask them if your child is selected for partners in group work or if they are usually the one who is selected last.
- If your child has had issues of impulsivity in the past or if he or she seeks sensory input from others, ask if your child is disruptive in the classroom. If you are concerned about learning style or suspect ADHD or some other testable issue, ask the teacher for his or her honest opinion about testing.
- Keep in mind that sometimes teachers will be at reluctant to tell you that they are worried about your child because some parents don’t react well to that type of news. It’s best to let them know that you are open to hearing any concerns and that you truly value their opinion.
- Ask if it appears your child has created any new friendships this school year. And if not, does the teacher know why that might be and are there any kids that they think could be potential friends for your child down the road.
- The teacher may not be aware of what your child is doing at recess but ask anyway. If there is a reason for concern, you could certainly check in with the guidance counselor to see if maybe they could take a peek out at recess and see how your child is doing. If you’re concerned about them socially, it might be a relief to find out if your child is actively playing with other children and not wandering around alone. If they are wandering alone on the play yard, you can ask the guidance counselor for social support during the school day or seek out a social skills group after school.
If you feel pressured for time during the conference and you have more questions or need to follow up, contact the teacher to schedule another time to talk so you feel like your child is getting the support he or she needs.
It’s also a good practice to check in with your child and see how happy they are on a scale of 1 to 10 on a fairly regular basis so you understand if there are drops in their number or increases in their number and you can inquire as to why. You could also ask your child some of the similar questions to see if they line up with with the teacher’s opinion of how the school year is going.
