By Nadine Briggs and Donna Shea
When new kids join a social group, they come with a clean slate. Whatever social gaffs that occurred in other settings are unknown to this new group. The other kids might wonder what she’s like, how old he is or his or her opinion about the latest Star Wars movie. They are, in general, predisposed to want to like him or her. The cards are stacked in their favor. Kids at a social group want friends and here comes a brand new candidate for friendship!
Anxiety is usually elevated as they venture into a new social territory, though, and those nerves can make a child or teen react in an unfriendly manner. They might feel on guard or defensive due to past experiences. They may be worried about the group rejecting them. As social coaches, we are observing their interactions and developing an understanding of what might be going on with him or her when they socialize. We are listening out for any negativity that they may communicate given the heightened stress from the new social situation. There have been research studies that have attempted to mathematically define how many positive comments are needed to overcome a negative one. We don’t believe scientific research is necessary to know that contrary comments will result in people developing a negative opinion about someone and positive comments will result in people thinking more positively about him or her. When meeting new people, all of us need to keep in mind that the clean slate can be tarnished by contrary remarks or unkind observations. A social filter in those first moments of meeting someone new is critical to swaying them to think positively of you.
When given a new social opportunity, think positively; bite your tongue when negative opinions come to mind. It’s a clean slate, and you get to choose to tarnish or polish.
