Miss Donna here. So, I am learning to play Dungeons & Dragons (or D&D as I am told by my experts). That in and of itself is a story, but for another time. Although, I will share that my character’s name is Faun Tree Elf and I think that I am slowly beginning to get the hang of things, despite the confusion I have over all of those different sided dice.
My D&D experts who are teaching me are a social group of four awesome tween boys. As the adventure progresses, we are, of course, battling a band of Kobolds (to which, I suggested that we run away, but no one agreed with me). In the heat of battle, one of the guys (newer to our merry band of adventurers) shouted out, “I’ll get him with my big a$$ sword!”
I’m not sure whose face looked the funniest or whose gasp was the loudest. Probably my teen assistant Michael’s. The two kids who have known me awhile came in a close second. We all became involved in an awkward moment. At first, I didn’t say anything and almost decided to just let the moment pass, but then decided that there was a nice opportunity for social coaching.
I froze the game play for a minute. I told the player wielding the sword that I wanted to explain something and that no one was in trouble. I went on to admit that I’m a little bit old-fashioned and asked if anyone knew what “mixed company” was. I received the correct responses of boys and girls together as well as adults and kids together. I went on to talk about the fact that I initially had thought to let the moment completely pass, since if I was taken out of the equation and it was just all boys playing, that the comment was absolutely just fine. This is how a group of guys would and should play the game. However, since we decided that I qualified both as a girl and as an adult, that we should adjust the language to reflect being in mixed company.
One of the most difficult skills to teach children, especially those who tend to be very rule-based, is those times when a word or an action is socially on target, and the times when it’s not. These types of social rules, the kind that we bend, are moving targets, and with practice and patience, kids can learn to hit the mark (and Miss Donna to conquer a Kobold).
