“Mom, I don’t know what’s going on with Marybeth. She came over this weekend and we had a blast but she wouldn’t talk to me in school today. She was acting like we’re not even friends. She does this to me sometimes. What’s going on?”
Marybeth is being a flip flop friend. This is someone who is nice to your child sometimes and not nice at other times or who hangs out with your child only when no one else is looking or available. Rejection of any sort is painful but rejection from a friend is both rejection and betrayal. We hear from kids who experience flip-flopping behaviors from peers starting very early in elementary school. Any time someone has a mean moment toward your child or diminishes your child, it’s important that your child stick up for his or herself. Here are some comeback lines to suggest that your child try:
“Hey, Marybeth, I got a weird vibe from you this morning, what’s up?”
“Marybeth, I need to talk to you about something. I feel like you’re friends with me only when no one at school sees that we’re hanging out or only when you feel like it. What’s up with that?”
“Hey Marybeth, did I accidentally upset you or something? I noticed that you ignored me this morning and I wanted to be sure we were cool.”
Marybeth may make an excuse, say she didn’t see you or act like she doesn’t know what your child is talking about but that part doesn’t even matter. She’ll know what your child is referring to and now she knows that he or she is going to address it when she flip flops. If it turns out Marybeth doesn’t care and continues the flip flop behavior, it may be time for you to support your child in re-evaluating how much time he or she wants to spend with Marybeth or if he or she wants to continue the friendship at all. Our Real Friends Checklist may help your child determine who is or isn’t being a good friend.
A Real Friend:
- Wants to get together with you when you are not in school.
- Is trustworthy and acts like a friend all the time.
- Makes you feel good about who you are.
- Doesn’t try to change you or make you feel bad.
- Listens to you.
- Likes you for you.
