By Donna Shea & Nadine Briggs
I’m (Donna) working with a sweet gal who is entering 5th grade next week (I’ll call her Amy) and is suffering from significant social anxiety about returning to school. Her worrying predominantly involves any social event or activity where Amy feels she may not know anyone. I have worked with Amy on the top 10 tips that we give all kids on how to make new friends (found in our first book, How to Make & Keep Friends: Tips for Kids to Overcome 50 Common Social Challenges). I have also worked with Amy’s mom to build in a small reward each day that she successfully used the tips at her sports camp this summer, and she will now be earning a new app or song for her phone when she uses these tips at school. Here is how to encourage your child to initiate a new friendship at school this year.
- Try to make just one new friend instead of several friends all at once.
- Be friendly and say hello first to other people.
- Practice conversation starters with family so that you are ready to talk with other people.
- Remember to listen when other people are talking.
- Show that you are friendly with your facial expression. Practice smiling in a mirror.
- Ask to sit with a new person at lunch or on the school bus.
- Ask what kinds of things he or she likes to do.
- Remember that other kids also want to make new friends, so they might be interested in having you as a friend
- Show you are friendly by helping other people out.
- Throw out a feeler for a get-toge You could ask a new person“Do you like to swim? Maybe you could come over and hang out at our pool sometime?”
If Amy can remember these tips, her anxiety will be short-lived. She will begin to feel more comfortable after the first couple of days of school, and as she settles into her classroom routine and work groups. Her anxiety is more the fear of the unknown. She has told me that having a concrete social “plan” based on these tips makes a little easier to feel braver and face the unknown.
